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A Starting Point

April 1, 2026

A starting point, inspired by my husband, Gabo, whose commitment to sports is unwavering. This is something I’ve always wanted to do: write. I’m not very good, but I can be good. Cohesion takes practice! Bear with me.

March tested my mental strength, and my body saved me. There were days when only walking could make me feel better. Cutting my nails, shaving worked too. Self-tending in a world full of crisis.

Collecting (and connecting) text, objects, images, videos, what someone said, etc., has been a practice of mine for many years—notebooks and notebooks of quotes, images, lists. A form of self-tending, too.

‍Assemblages will house personal writings and assemblings, interviews, and always images.

It brings me so much joy to start.

John Berger’s Ways of Seeing Parts 1 & 2 of a four-part BBC series. I have the book version, but for some reason found it hard to read... Anyway, this watch was a good refresher on context and gaze.

I have been inviting people over to Workroom for a portrait session, and one point of conversation is always, it’s important who you allow to “see” you because it influences your self-perception.

And so, the lingering questions are: what is my gaze? Am I doing my best to make people feel comfortable, confident, and beautiful when being seen by me?  

I find myself praying for discernment most at this time.

In February, Sarita Walsh sent out a newsletter prompting her subscribers to write back with a question, and I asked this:

How do you make space for discernment in life and work?

I want to share a piece of what she wrote back,

“Discernment is one of my favorite practices, so it’s a pleasure to sit with this.

For me, discernment begins not with thinking but with space.

I slow down and come back into contact with what is actually here.

In my body.
In my breath.
The sensation.
My truth.

Debussy once said, “Music is the space between the notes.” That’s where discernment lives for me. In the space between impulses.

So pausing and listening, taking a small step, then listening again is how I practice discernment in my life and in my work.”

In this yearning for discernment, I came across a timely Substack article, WTF is taste, and why is it the new intelligence? by Jade Connor. She expands on the time and work we need to put in to build depth. Taste is built through experience, and discernment comes through time.

“Do it again, do it better, and do it more; find that transcendent work emerges from repeated, elevated attempts” - Joel Uili, Career Archetypes

It seems the answer I am looking for is, discernment, and that questions are only answered through action. So now I am simply deciding to start! I suppose in action, we build a knack for specificity. Why we like what we like. Specificity can combat shame. Specificity is kindness. Supporting your references, building your wardrobe, deciding where your money goes. All these are refined by commitment to action.  

All this seem serious but I hope you know that I am writing this with a light heart. This is for fun! According to and-fishing-equipment, in 2026, do not ask yourself whether your art is good. Instead ask: is it sincere? was it cathartic? was it fun to make? is it made by me? and don't forget to stay silly.

December 9, 1985
New York City

A better question is—how do I want to live the rest of my life and what am I going to do to ensure that I get to do it exactly or as close as possible to how I want that living to be?

I want to live the rest of my life, however long or short, with as much sweetness as I can decently manage, loving all the people I love, and doing as much as I can of the work I still have to do. I am going to write fire until it comes out my ears, my eyes, my noseholes—everywhere. Until it's every breath I breathe. I'm going to go out like a fucking meteor!

Audre Lorde, A Burst of Light

This was sincere, fun and cathartic,
Colin